Our Grandparents is the part of our campaign where we support grandparents living with the forced loss of their relationship with their grandchild.
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Based on our Savanta survey in 2022, we estimate that an eighth of the population aged 45+ are prevented from forming, developing and sustaining a relationship with their grandchild. This is significant.
Our typologies describe the situations grandchildren and their grandparents find themselves in.
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Following the launch of the 'Grandparents United for Children' report in November 2023, our wider grandparent campaign ‘Our Grandparents’ includes our initial support work following that plus a broader set of self-help activities.
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Our Grandparents is now part of the Grandchildren's Policy & Rights Centre alongside the upcoming Midlands Model ‘Grandchildren First’ pilots to inform policy and practice change, a scheduled Lobby Your MP programme to secure legal change, our Grandchild-to-Grandchild Doodle Letters production, and of course we continue with both grandparent and grandchild-related webinars’ programmes.
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Critical to our mission is that we work with other organisations that support grandparents and we work with grandparents on the ground in lobbying for change in law, policy and practice in relation to our grandchildren and ourselves.
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How can you get involved? Please register for an MP lobbying pack here, share the word and attend our webinars, get involved in one of our pilots schemes, or contact us here.
GRANDCHILDREN FIRST
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Welcome to the Grandchildren'S PoLICY AND Rights Centre
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"I miss Nanny and Grandad so much.
When can I see them again?"
Based on a Savanta survey in 2022, a sixth of 0-16 year old UK grandchildren are being actively prevented from developing and maintaining a healthy relationship with their safe and loved grandparent/s.
Whilst rightly respecting a parent's legal responsibilities towards their child, we are campaigning across the UK to ensure that grandchildren are able to have their safe grandparents in their lives and supported by law, policy and practice to do so.
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Why is this an important issue?
The size of it
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Based on our Savanta survey undertaken in 2022, its is estimated that at least 2 million grandchildren – a sixth of the UK’s under-16 population – are actively and continuously prevented from seeing their loved and safe grandparent.
We too were surprised at the numbers of grandchildren likely affected.
It is significant. And we understand it continues to grow.
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The extent: the deeper the relationship, the more damaging it's ending
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These are grandchildren who, for example:
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would have been on daily school runs with Nan
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had their parent’s working lives supported by Grandad regularly taking them to their extracurricular and leisure activities
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had frequent sleepovers at Granny’s house
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enjoyed grandchild-grandparent holidays
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leaned on Grandma & Grandad when home or school life became difficult
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Studies of the the relationship identify the significant and long-term wellbeing benefits into adulthood that a grandchild derives from a grandparent being in their life.
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It's burden of grief on the grandchild:
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We believe that a forced or sudden estrangement of grandchildren from their healthy relationship with their safe grandparent forms part of the current and pre-pandemic children and young people's mental health crisis. Especially given the numbers of children and young people (CYP) affected.
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We also believe that there are a considerable number of unmet mental, physical, and psychological needs of grief and loss in grandchildren arising from this sudden and abrupt loss of a generally strong, supportive, and loving relationship. These include behavioural, sleep, concentration and friendship difficulties, often managed or treated without understanding or acting on the underlying cause.
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We suspect that the grandchild's burden of grief is being ‘masked’ by the current CYP mental health crisis as:
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ambiguous loss and grief in the UK are usually applied to people who are legally designated as missing or have neurological problems such as dementia or brain injuries
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alarmingly, educational and extracurricular settings do not have access to resources, tools, training or pathways to help a child or young person cope with their ongoing loss and grief
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there are so many mental health demands faced by educational, health and extracurricular settings post-pandemic.
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It’s complexity​​
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Complexity in relation to the adult relationships and behaviours around the grandchild pose challenges to others in understanding. Often it is schools, clubs, and health services who see the grandchild's grief but are unable to help.
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To simplify this, our typologies here define the very specific and distinct family circumstances in which grandchildren find themselves in through no fault of their own. Typologies are a way of grouping complex social situations.
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Adult factors such as
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uninformed counselling, therapy or mediation
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cults such as 'dump my parent' or 'self made orphan' that flourish on largely unregulated social media
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coercive, controlling or alienating behaviours, or simply
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the unasked question 'do you miss your grandparent?'
mean that the grandchild's loss and grief goes unidentified and unsupported.
Alarmingly, amongst the many professionals currently in contact with estranged and alienated grandchildren, there is little or no training or resources available to them to support the grandchildren with this.
In addition, where grandparents have tried to maintain a relationship with their grandchild either thorugh indirect means such as cards, gifts or letters, or through the Family Court system, life at home for the grandchild can become extremely difficult as adult arguments force the grandchild to divide loyalties. ​
Its impact on society
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Whilst social phenomena such as intergenerational trauma, alienating behaviours, and overinvolvement rightly require full and proper discourse and solutions, the ad hoc unsupported nature of grandchildren suddenly and traumatically losing a close grandparent is unlikely to be the best way to address this.
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We also know that estrangement and alienation in one generation generally follows through to future generations' relationship breakdowns. This means grandchildren currently actively prevented from seeing their safe grandparent are likely to break a relationship with their own parents, children and grandchildren in the future.
We believe the extent and reach of this issue meets the criteria for a public health problem.
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​it has significant and long-term quality of life and morbidity (physical illness) impacts for both grandchild and their grandparent
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it is increasing in incidence
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it has a socioeconomic angle for families as well as grandchild and grandparent
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it increases demand on health services due to grandchild and grandparent developing physical and mental health conditions from it
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it can respond to public health strategies such as contact programmes, relationship management support, and educational settings' resources and tools
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In summary
We are firmly of the belief that the voice of the grandchild must be heard, and their true wishes and feelings respected and adhered to as far as is possible. They must be held at the centre of plans and decision-making right from the start of an enforced estrangement from their safe grandparent/s.​
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In essence, grandchildren who have been ‘actively’ prevented from maintaining their relationship with their safe grandparents
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are being missed
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they are not being identified
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they are not being supported in their grief
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They are invisible.
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We want to change this situation for grandchildren in the UK.