Typologies

As all families are different and there are various situations in which a grandchild can find themselves prevented from seeing their (safe) grandparent, we have created the following 7 typologies.

Typologies are social classifications or groupings which can help all of us to better understand complex sets of family dynamics.

These are:

grandchildren with a deceased parent resulting in that grandparent lost as the remaining parent ‘moves on’
grandchildren with separated parents who have no contact with one or both sets of grandparents due to estrangement or alienating behaviours towards their grandparents
grandchildren where their parent has withdrawn themselves and their children from their grandparents and wider family due to:
- advice from perceived social media experts or peer groups, or participation in contemporary 'cults' such as 'self-made orphan'
- an aggrieved breaking of the intergenerational trauma cycle
- misplaced advice from well-meaning friends, family or professionals
grandchildren with parental mental health problems which disrupts the grandchild-parent-grandparent relationship
grandchildren living with a difficult parent/in-law-grandparent relationship, either high-conflict or being in a dispute
grandchildren who have never met their grandparent or only in infancy, either due to a sibling being prevented from grandparent contact or because their parent and grandparent were already estranged prior to birth
grandchildren whose grandparent is subject to elder abuse by their parent e.g. a grandparent seeing their grandchild is conditional on lending parents money

In all typologies except the first, the grandchildren are weaponised or used as a pawn in relation to the grandparent.

In all cases:

both grandchild and grandparent experience ambiguous loss - the loss of a living person
the grandchild has no opportunity to express their wishes, feelings and choices.

For grandchildren, the experience of suddenly losing an often close, loving and warm relationship with their grandparent is likely to leave long-term impacts such as:

neurological changes
developmental & wellbeing difficulties
psychological and physiological problems
as well as adulthood consequences such mental health issues and relationship difficulties.

This loss, regardless of typology, is known to have significant and long-term health and wellbeing impacts for both parties. Depending on how close the grandparent-grandchild relationship was prior to its forced ending, the grandchild often retains a sense of abandonment, exclusion and blame.

This type of loss and grief that has limited if any support available for grandchild and grandparent.

Our work aims to change this.

Is the impact the same for all typologies?

The effects on both grandchild and grandparent however, regardless of typology, are known to have significant and long-term psychological health and wellbeing impacts for both parties from the ambiguous or uncertain loss and grief that follows the forced cessation of their relationship.

Unsupported loss and grief in childhood is known to lead to long-term mental and physical health problems including depression, anxiety, relationship difficulties, substance abuse, criminal justice encounters, and problems securing qualifications and financial stability:

The grandchild often bears a significant and solitary burden from missing their grandparent, often finding themselves without a safe space to speak about their much-missed grandparent. As
- their parent will often react angrily or with similar consequences due to their own emotions on the matter
- adults such as teachers who are a safe adult for the grandchild are often forbidden to talk to the child about their missing grandparent.
No child bereavement services offer support for ambiguous grief. We are undertaking a survey of child psychologists, psychotherapists and counsellors to see if those practitioner groups can and do effectively provide support to grieving grandchildren.
Schools generally do not have access to resources that enable them to support a grieving grandchildren despite the child or young person often disclosing their grief or manifesting it via act-out, aggressive or withdrawal behaviours in the school setting.

Regardless of typology, we do not believe that grandchildren should be carrying this loss and in the main carrying it unsupported. We are concerned for those grandchildren with such significant current and future impacts.